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So anyway, shortly after the M1 “Umm do you know us?” shoot down, I bucked up and got back on the horse trying not to get knocked down. My friend Andre introduced me to the place. Andre’s a solid dude, he’s been in Korea for something like 5 years and he pretty much knows how the game is done here. Andre started talking to this girl, she was playing foosball with some Pakistani guy. Right after their game finished he grabbed me and said “We’re playing foosball!”
I love foosball, so it was no pain on my end. I was quickly introduced to the girl that Andre was talking to and her friend Monica. At first I thought Monica was tall for a Korean girl, but really it was just her high as fuck high heels. She was pretty good looking, long straight hair and bangs cut straight across her forehead as if her hair stylist cut along the straight edge of a bowl. She had tiny lips and produced an equally tiny smile as she spoke. Occasionally she’d look into her cell phone at her Korean/English dictionary to help her find the right word to say.
At foosball, Monica and I were one team, and we were playing against Andre and his girl. This was a good way in, it got us talking and working together. It was sorta like a cute couple thing, and I quickly realized that Korean girls go gaga for that kind of cutesy couples shit. It makes sense, what with them loving couple t-shirts and all that lame crap. So I figured that if I could get a girl to do ‘cute couple’ shit with me just after meeting her, I could easily get her to do raunchy kinky couple sex shit with me later in bed– boy was I wrong again.
So I bought her a couple drinks and things were going well. Andre had said something that offended Monica’s friend and she wasn’t digging him anymore. Andre felt kinda ashamed or embarrassed or something, and he cut out and left. I was sticking with Monica for the long haul and hoping I could take her home with me that night. I don’t really live close Shinchon, so a cab was definitely in my future plans as Seoul believes in this retarded idea of closing subways at certain times (while public transportation in Seoul is pretty good, there’s a lot of things that Seoul could definitely learn from NYC).
So we were talking and dancing and drinking and everything was going well. I was just happy to actually be talking with a girl and not getting snubbed and to feel like I was back in the game. It’d been a while. She was a smart girl, and her English was pretty good, although her pronunciation was hard to understand. The fact that the speakers were loud and blaring music didn’t help things either. I was thinking things were going pretty well. Her friend was occupied with some other guy not that Andre was gone. They were dancing, we were dancing, and the DJ was playing some pretty good music.
Then out of nowhere, up walks some blonde-haired blue-eyed Adonis. He doesn’t look like he’s fluent in Korean, but he just starts belting it out. Monica’s friend was quite impressed. He had a thing for her alright. She seemed to forget the guy she was dancing with and we was all over this blondie who was actually from Sweden. Monica explained his situation to me, he’s a student studying here. Part of his studies meant that he had to study Korean full time, so this bastard’s fluent and picking up girls like its nothing, while I’m over here struggling, typing on some little ass keyboard looking up words in my cell phone!
This guy knew the Korean game and he knew it well. He had Monica’s friend crawling all over him, and I was just fudding around with Monica trying to think of how I could get her back to my place. I had nothing. I was like a fighter pilot trying to shake the Red Baron on my tail. I pivoted left, I pivoted right, I dove down and spun in a spiral, I pulled every maneuver I had in my book but nothing seemed to work against the enemy that I did not know.
I think that nothing would have gotten her to come home with me that night. But that didn’t stop me from blaming the Swedish guy. The Swede fucking prick bastard (who I have actually run into in Seoul quite a few times–I can never forget his arrogant macho face) didn’t really help things. He was being really super aggressive with Monica’s friend. At one he just grabbed her by the arm and pulled her towards him and just started making out with her.
Then Swede-boy starts saying they need to go to Hongdae, that he has friends there to meet up with. So Monica says “I have to go” to me, and I’m confused–like what the fuck does Swede-boy have that I don’t have? Why not invite me along? Why? Cuz Swede-boy’s a pushy aggressive dickhead?
( Note: I would later discover that Swede-boy’s pushy aggressive attitude was something that was not only accepted and tolerated by Korean women, but also something they enjoyed and looked for in the opposite sex, but more on that later).
Yes, so that’s exactly what happened. Swede-boy pulled her by the hand right outta the club and Monica followed her friend. Off they went to Hongdae, and I was just glad that I got her phone number in time… I remember calling it just to make sure that it was real. I left there feeling like such a fucking loser. I look back on that night as being a night of desperation and loneliness, but also one where I learned a great deal about Korean women and how to pick them up.

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